


Tales of a Secret Mother

by thisisnotwhoyouthink



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Mother-Son Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-29
Updated: 2012-11-23
Packaged: 2017-11-17 07:32:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/549118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisisnotwhoyouthink/pseuds/thisisnotwhoyouthink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off a Norse Kink Prompt</p>
<p>We all know about Laufey and how that ended, but what about Loki's mother? What if she was able to travel between worlds like her son could, and be able to shapeshift to blend in? What if Loki hadn't been as abandoned as he'd thought.</p>
<p>A series of short glimpse's of Loki's life with a secret motherly figure looking out for him from the sidelines in three parts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Loki woke with a cry, lurching up from bed, his arms flaring out to ward off creatures that existed only in his mind. But he did not know that, the fear of his dreams clung to him and in the darkness of the room his eyes could only focus on what he could not see. He couldn’t see the window, or Thor who should have been nearby. There was no light, nothing. He was completely alone.

Loki, who was only four years old, whimpered.

Even now as the dream faded from his mind and he forgot why exactly he was scared in the first place, Loki shivered as his eyes darted around the dark room. Tears leaked from his eyes as he pressed his hands against his mouth to muffle the sounds of his distress. There were monsters in the darkness Thor had told him. Ones that would eat his toes the moment his feet fell over the side of the bed. Thor told him a lot of stories like that.

Suddenly, there was a light amongst the darkness. Not the warm flickering of a candle, but the pale glow of a witchlight. Light that was only seen by those meant to see it. A face became visible in the dark, and Loki raised his arms up desperately towards the figure.

The servant girl, whose name Loki did not know, put aside the witchlight and pulled Loki into her arms. Loki snuggled gratefully against her as cool fingers wiped the remaining tears from his face before beginning to stroke his hair. She rocked him slowly as a song that was now familiar lulled him into a state of near sleep. Now calm and only half aware of what was going on, Loki allowed himself to be tucked back into his sheets. Still singing her song, the servant girl continued to pet him, stroking fingers over his brow and cheeks and brushing through his hair. 

He didn’t remember when exactly he fell asleep, only that when he woke his dreams had been peaceful at last.

()()()()

Eventually Loki would learn that her name was Fara, and she was a servant that worked in the palace kitchens. He never questioned why a cook would have been sneaking into the young prince’s bedroom at night, as she had always been there for as long as Loki could remember. His and Thor’s nursemaids did not like to fuss, and held him away when he tried to cuddle closer. “Look at your brother Loki, he does not escape from his bed at all hours of the night. Don’t you want to be more like Thor?”

But once the lights were out and Loki was left alone and frightened in bed, Fara would come with her witchlight and hold him safely in her arms while telling him stories until he could sleep.

Thor never saw her, and told Loki that he shouldn’t tell lies when Loki spoke of his nighttime visitor, and Loki learned never to tell anyone else about Fara after the nursemaids overheard him talking to Thor. They had been alarmed at the news, and for weeks they would take turns and stay in the nursery at night watching for any intruders. 

Loki had been upset, afraid that he had gotten Fara in trouble, and that she would not visit anymore. But his fears were for nothing, as even the presence of candles and guards did not stop her visits. Loki would lie in bed, unable to sleep and with a nursemaid sitting in the corner with a book in her lap reading to herself. Then the door would creak open and the soft light of the witchlight would be seen. The nursemaid never reacted, never noticed the sound of the door or saw the light. She just kept on reading as Fara sat down on the edge of Loki’s bed with a mischievous smile. The first time she did this, she had placed a finger to her lips, urging him to be quiet. Loki never spoke then, instead he shifted closer so that his head rested on her legs and she would stroke his hair until sleep pulled him under. 

After that, Loki realized he was the only one to see Fara at night, the only one who could see the witchlight. When he asked her about it, she said that it was magic. He tired to touch the witchlight only once. As his hand got closer to the pale glow, he frowned as the skin of his fingers started to look blue. Fara took his hand gently then, and pulled it away telling him that he could not touch the light without getting hurt.

()()()()

Even though Loki never saw Fara during the day, he knew she was always watching for him. He would find treats, sweet cakes and other baked goods hidden in his room when he’d had a bad day. On his birthday every year Loki would find a trinket of some sort left for him and he knew Fara had hidden it. 

Loki found Fara for the first time during the daylight hours when he was seven and he and Thor had snuck into the kitchens hoping to flitch some treats. Fara didn’t seem to know him though, and stood silently while the head cook scolded them. For one terrible moment Loki thought that he had made it up, and that the Fara he knew was the fabrication of a scared little boy. 

But then Fara met his eyes for a just one second and winked. 

Loki fought not to grin, as that would give her away and instead he continued to look cowed as the cook lectured. When they were finally led out, Loki astounded Thor by producing a handful of sweets that Fara had slipped into his pocket when he passed. 

From then on Fara would sometimes visit him during the day, or else Loki would go looking for her when she was alone. Sitting in one of the many pantries, Fara would peel apples for pies while Loki told her about his schooling and the things he had learned. Sometimes he would try and do the same thing with his Father and Mother, but they were very busy, and Loki was often left with the feeling that they had only been half listening while he spoke. Fara was different; she listened and would praise him for being so clever. Loki particularly liked that, as normally his teachers seemed a little upset at how fast he was learning. Loki was already learning things that Thor was, and could probably surpass his brother despite their four-year difference. When he told Fara this, she hugged him and told him that he must be very clever indeed to learn so much so fast. Sometimes she would even bring books on history and literature so that he could read while she worked. 

“Knowledge is a more powerful weapon than any forged of steel Loki,” she would tell him, encouraging him when no one else would.

()()()()

Being a prince did not mean that Loki was exempt from teasing from his age mates. In fact, he found himself the target of bullies on multiple occasions. Lots of times Thor would rush to his defense, beating up those that would dare offend his little brother. Thor would get in trouble for it of course, but he told Loki he didn’t mind. But eventually even that changed, and Thor started suggesting that Loki start fighting back rather than make Thor take care of him all the time. Loki tried, he did… but he was quite small for his age and often found himself with bruises hidden under his clothes. 

Fara would find him in his rooms, trying to hide his tears so that no one would see how weak he was. Gently, she would ease him from his hiding spot and hold him while he tried to hold back his tears.

“Thor never cries!” Loki would wail into her shoulder as tears ran down his face no matter how hard he tried to stop them.

“What are you talking about, of course Thor cries,” Fara argued, running a soothing hand up and down his back.

“No he doesn’t!” Loki protested.

“Oh yes he does, he’s got a special cupboard that he hides in.”

That stopped Loki’s cries, if only so that he could blink owlishly at her. “Really?”

Fara only smiled, wiped away his tears and kissed his forehead. After that she would help heal his wounds. Fara was very talented with magic he learned. 

()()()()

Throughout Loki’s childhood, he often fell ill. Many blamed it on his small size, other said it was because he was more inclined to sit and read rather than go out in the sun and play with the other boys. Whatever the reason though, Loki was something of a sickly child and was often confined to his bed as a fever ravaged his body. The healers would give him potions and droughts, trying to cure what ailed him. He hated it. Nothing ever seemed to work. The only good thing about his illnesses was that his mother and father would come visit him more. Sometimes he would wake to find Frigga sitting at his bedside, holding one of his hands in hers lightly. Sometimes Odin would be there as well, and would tell Loki that he would be well soon. The illness was almost worth it for the chance to have his parents focus on only him, if only for a little while.

Fara always came too, her witchlight in tow and a spell upon her so that no one else saw she was there. She would stroke his face, her cool fingers feeling heavenly on his flushed skin. Then she would feed him something cold that eased the soreness in his throat and banished his fever better than any healing potion. Then she would keep him company while he recovered, telling him stories of far off places and adventure. 

()()()()

As he got older, the illness’s came less and less, but Fara was never far away. As Loki and Thor grew up and began to grow apart, Loki often found himself confiding in the cook. He had no friends he could vent his frustrations on, as his friends were Thor’s friends and they were by far much more loyal to Thor than him. 

When Loki took an interest in magic and people scoffed at his choice in studies, Fara took a different approach and showed him where all the best books were in the library. When Loki’s tutors ran out of things to teach him, Fara would show him some of her magic. She taught him how to walk within the shadows and how to cast illusions. When he asked her where she learned magic, she told him of how she used to travel all of the realms, learning all different kinds of magic. 

“Why do you stay here?” Loki asked, curious.

Fara looked sad then, “I was married once, but I lost my husband to war.”

“Was it the war with Jotunheim?” Loki asked, as it was the war most known by he and his brother. 

“Yes.” Fara nodded, “One day I may travel again, but not for now. Now I am happy where I am.”

Loki nodded, though he didn’t really understand. He couldn’t wait to leave Asgard for the first time and see the other realms. But instead he asked her how she traveled, and she began to explain the theory of how one can travel the world tree without the bifrost.

()()()()

At their coming of age celebration each prince was to be given a gift from their father the king. A token to show that they were now considered men. When Thor’s day came, Odin gifted him with the mighty hammer Mjolnir and was given the name God of Thunder. 

Four years later, Loki eagerly awaited his ceremony and tried to guess what his father would give him. So when Loki was given a book, it was difficult not to let his mortification show. Weapons were traditional gifts, and Loki had expected a sword or a staff, anything but a book. He sat though the celebration numbly, and as soon as he was able, he excused himself to his rooms. The book was tossed in a corner and Loki barely held himself back from simply setting it aflame out of spite. True it was a magic book, and Odin likely thought it was a sign of encouragement towards Loki’s chosen field of study. But magic was almost universally a woman’s art, and by giving him this book Odin had all but declared to the court that it was all he was good at. 

His face flushed with shame, he cast his eyes about for something to take his mind off of the catastrophic evening when they landed upon a leather bundle peeking out from under his pillow. 

It took him a moment to remember that it was his birthday, and he had yet to find Fara’s traditional hidden gift. Pulling the bundle out, he placed it on a nearby table and unfolded it, gasping when he saw what it contained. 

Knives, a set of ten, gleamed from the belt they were holstered in, a belt that would fit perfectly under most of his clothes and certainly his armor. He pulled one of the knives from his sheath, and examined its custom design. They were curved and sharp at both ends with a decorative piece in the middle where his hand would go. Testing the balance on his finger, he found it to be perfect. The weight was ideal, and when he threw it at a small target on the wall, he hit it dead on. He was surprised when the blade disappeared suddenly, and he glanced down at the belt to see that the knife had re-appeared in its sheath. 

It was the perfect gift; a long ranged weapon suited his style of fighting. And he would never run out as his blades returned to him automatically. 

He brought them the next time Thor dragged him along on one of his adventures, and when Fandral commented on his weapons, Loki lied and told them that he’d commissioned them made. When he returned, he brought gifts for Fara, books of magic from far off lands.


	2. Chapter 2

Loki strode into his chambers, and locked the doors behind him. The second the latch was closed his shoulders slumped as though a sting had been cut, leaving him limp. He stayed there by the door for a long moment, leaning on it for support before pushing away. Never in all his years had he ever had a more disastrous day. 

In the space of twenty-four hours, he’d allowed frost giants to enter Asgard, goaded Thor into entering Jotunheim, and subsequently helped start a war and discovered that he was in fact a Jotunn foundling and not a son of Odin at all. Thor had been banished, his father was in the Odin-sleep and Loki had been named king simply because there were no other options. And now it would seem that everyone wanted him on the throne less than he did. Thor’s friends tried to get him to release Thor from his exile, and Heimdall questioned every move he made. 

It didn’t matter though; so far his plan was working. In the morning he would show them all that blood or not he was a true son of Odin. For now he would try and sleep, though he doubted he would find any peace until Laufey was dead. 

He walked further into his chambers and it was a testament towards how tired he was that he walked right by the table with a platter of some of his favourite dishes on it. It wasn’t until the smell caught his nose that he turned and looked back at the food. 

“You weren’t at dinner,” 

Loki glanced to the side to see Fara standing a respectable distance away. The woman had aged gracefully over the years. A touch of grey at her temples, her face softened with some lines about her eyes. It was still Fara though, and Loki gratefully pulled out the chair so that he could sit before the food. 

“It has been something of a busy day.” Loki explained as he bit into a warm dinner roll. 

“I can imagine.” Was Fara’s only response. She did not move closer either Loki noticed with a frown. It took longer than it should have to realize that she was treating him like the king he now was. How ironic it was, he thought, that the one person who treated him like a king was the one he wanted it least from. 

“Won’t you join me?” he asked once his mouth was clear and Fara smiled softly and took the seat adjacent to him. Satisfied, Loki turned back to his meal, content with the peaceful silence.

“How was your first day as king?” Fara asked him when he was halfway through his second helping, and the question sounded so absurd that he nearly choked on a laugh. Glancing up he saw that though her posture and expression was of polite curiousness, her eyes danced with mirth at catching him off guard. 

“There has been ah, something of a learning curve.” He replied honestly, and regretted it when she frowned in concern. He continued to explain, “It was not something I was prepared for, nor anyone else for that matter. I think most are simply stunned that it is not Thor in my place by now.”

Fara raised one eyebrow, “But you are a prince of Asgard, have you never thought you might end up as king one day?”

“No, I- no of course not. Thor was to be king, he always was. Odin announced it centuries ago.”

“If Thor was truly meant to be King he would be by now. But instead he is banished, and rightfully so. He started a war because his day was spoiled, those are not the actions of a king Loki.”

“Better a spoiled brat than a monster…” Loki said quietly to himself, but at Fara’s sharp look he realized that she had heard him anyways.

“What do you mean?”

Loki shook his head and pushed his plate away. “It was nothing of importance. I’m sorry, I am very tired.” 

He avoided looking at Fara altogether, and opted instead to stand and start walking towards his bedroom.

“My prince…” Fara called after him but he did not stop. His step did falter when he heard her call out “Loki” in a pleading voice. He turned back to her, and saw that she was standing now and was looking at him with rising worry. 

“Loki, please,” she pleaded softly as she stepped closer, “Why would you say such a thing?”

“It was a slip of the tongue, that is all. I am sorry if I have upset you-“

“You called yourself a monster Loki, why?” Fara pushed.

Loki strained to think of something to say, an explanation that would ease her worry enough to leave him alone for the night. Unfortunately while he thought, she had stepped closer still and was searching his face for answers. He didn’t know what gave him away, what facial clue made her eyes suddenly widen and her hand come up to grasp his sleeve. 

“They told you,” she breathed, and Loki froze completely.

“What?” he asked, his whole body going cold. 

“They finally told you,” she repeated, her eye wide and searching his for confirmation. “About who you are…”

Loki grabbed her by her wrists and forcefully pushed her away with a snarl. “You mean what I am don’t you? How long have you known!?”

“Loki-“

“I am you King!” he raged, “Answer me! How long have you known?!”

Fara closed her eyes in resignation but still Loki was not prepared for her answer. “I’ve always known.”

Loki felt as though he had been struck. This was worse than discovering his heritage and the fallout with Odin. Fara was the one person he trusted most in Asgard, the one whom he had told his secrets to. And now he was to discover that she had been in on the conspiracy from the beginning?

“Why?” he asked hoarsely as his body began to shake with anger. This was one betrayal to many; there was only so much truth he could handle in one day. “Why?! Why did you never tell me? Why did you care so much for me when you knew what I was? Was it to control me? To tame the terrible creature so that it wouldn’t attack?” He lashed out, and with his magic he sent the dishes and all of their contents to the floor. Despite the commotion, Fara did not move even as he bore down upon her. “At least Odin was more honest in his disinterest in me, why did you even bother to pretend to love me?!”

“No Loki, it was not pretend, I do love you.” She said earnestly and Loki nearly turned away.

“Do not lie to me! You know what I am, how could you love a monster?”

“You are not a monster Loki, you are my son.”

Silence reined as the room and its occupants froze at the declaration. It took Loki a moment for his brain to replay those words again before he understood what Fara had said. But surely she did not mean that… it would mean…

His tongue failed him, and Loki could only gape at the woman before him. She seemed to understand, and reached forward to guide him to a lounging chair nearby. In silence she sat down beside him and patiently allowed him a few minutes to gather his thoughts.

“Yes Loki,” she said before he could ask, “I am a Jotunn. And no, Odin does not know that I am. Nor does anyone else in Asgard.”

Loki let his gaze fall to the floor as he sat there in shock, not quite sure what he was feeling. Anger, for being lied to all his life. Fear for what she might tell him next. Hope, for she had said that she loved him…

“Loki,” Fara called, drawing him from his thoughts. She looked to him earnestly, her hand finding his. “I will answer your questions, I will tell you all that I know, but first I must ask what exactly Odin said when he told you the truth.”

Loki let out a humourless laugh, and then brokenly went about telling her of the events of the day before, right up to when he was made king. He did not tell her of his second trip to Jotunheim, or of his plans for his birth father. Fara was angry when he told her that he had discovered it on his own when he’d been grabbed in battle. She was furious when he told her word for word what Odin had explained to him in the vault.

“Odin is a lair and a fool,” she nearly snarled and Loki tried to think back on the last time he had ever seen her look so angry. Her control was absolute though, and once her outburst was over she drew herself up and took his hand in both of hers. “Odin, I think, has made some assumptions that are not true. If you will allow me, I will explain everything to you. You may ask me anything at any time, but please let me finish. Alright?”

Loki nodded, if only because his curiosity burned for answers. Odin’s explanation had only left him with more questions. Fara squeezed his hand once before taking a deep breath.

“My full name is Farbauti, daughter of Bergelmir. And what you must understand is that the Jotunnar have not always been as they are now. Before the war, before Laufey was king, Jotunheim was beautiful. Our city’s were made of ice and precious stones so that the whole of the capital shined like a diamond in the snow. We had art and culture, and so much knowledge. We are of the oldest of races, and our libraries were full of the old magic. We were a warrior race, this is true, but we were not brutes or cruel. We were more like Asgard in the way we took pride in our warriors.”

“In the time of Laufey’s fathers rule, there was peace. When there was need for war, our armies would do battle, there were even times in which we took up arms beside Asgard to defeat a common foe. Combined, our forces were unstoppable. But then Laufey took the throne and things began to change.” Farbauti paused, her gaze miles away as she remembered how it happened. “What you must remember Loki is that no one is simply evil from the start. Laufey was not always a heartless warlord. In the beginning of his rule, Laufey did little differently than his father. But he had been raised on stories of war and glory, and was eager to make some stories himself.” She paused and glanced at Loki, “That at least I think is something you are familiar with. Really, when I first met Laufey, he was not much unlike Thor is now. Eager to prove himself in battle.”

Loki did not know what to think of that. He’d always only known Laufey as Odin’s enemy in the stories. This terrible red eyed beast that slaughtered Aesir with a cruel grin on his face. The idea that Laufey had started out like his brother was disturbing to say the least. 

“He did not jump directly into war either,” Farbauti continued. “He had stadiums constructed, and events were put on where feats of strength and battle were made to be forms of entertainment. I remember going to them, to see the best and strongest of Jotunheim battle to see who would triumph. It wasn’t just Jotunn’s either. The best warriors from all nine realms would travel to compete. Elves, trolls, dwarves, even Aesir did battle for the honour. The Jotunar who won over all were given the honor of being in King Laufey’s private guard.”

“I do not know when exactly it changed, when the games became something more. After a century of this, and of Jotunar being gathered for Laufey’s guard, he had enough to make an army from those men alone. The best of the best, tested by the strongest of the realms. Even then, Laufey did not simply go to war. He led his men into battle, usually with trolls or the dark elves over some slights or breaches of treaty. Then these became more common occurrences and Laufey began to have a reputation for being quick to anger and brutal in retaliation.”

“And then he tried to invade Midgard. He claimed it was because our numbers were growing to quickly and we needed more land in which our people could settle, but none believed him. He was tired of scuffles and wished to test the mettle of his men by conquering another realm. You know the rest, of how Asgard stepped in to protect the mortals, how they defeated us until Jotunheim was little more than a husk. Odin took the casket as his prize and that was the end of it. Laufey has ruled over nothing but ruin since then.”

Farbauti turned to face Loki, her eyes sad. “I did love Laufey once. But I told you that I had lost my husband to war and that was not a lie. Once he invaded Midgard, there was nothing left of the one I once knew. I did not leave though, I was queen and my people needed me. When I became withchild, Laufey was joyful, excited to have an heir at last. But when you were born he was angry,”

“Because I am a runt.” Loki spat out, remembering Odin’s words of him being small. 

“You are no such thing!” Farbauti admonished him. “Jotunn come in different sizes, and you should know that if Odin had sought to teach you anything of Jotunheim other than of the war. True, our warriors are large, and certainly worthy of the title giant, but there are more than warriors on Jotunheim. Our sorcerers are small enough to be compared to Aesir, and that is why Laufey was upset. He had wanted a son that would be the strongest warrior known in history. In his mind a spell caster could never be known as such. So he ordered for you to be sent away, given to some family on the other side of the realm so that you would never know who you were. Obviously that was the last straw for me, and I took to you and hid. The final battle took place then, Laufey was defeated, and I thought it might be over at last. We had been hiding in one of the old temples when Odin found us. He came for the casket, and thinking I was there to protect it he attacked. I was injured, but not slain. But when I next woke up the casket was gone and so were you.”

“I spent the next few weeks healing from my wounds, and fearing the worst. But I did not give up hope. I had to wait for enough of my strength to return before I could travel to Asgard, invisible to all. I had expected Odin to have given you to some member of his court, or even to the staff to be made into a servant where you were old enough. I did not think he would have made you his son.”

Farbauti sighed and leaned into Loki’s side as she went over her memories of those days. Loki permitted it, and waited for her to continue. “I could not simply take you,” she said finally. “You were the new prince and no one seemed to know what you were. Odin had kept the secret of your origins from everyone. If I took you, all of Asgard would have been after us. So I disguised myself, and with time and magic I was given a position in the palace kitchen. Close enough so that I might see you.”

“To see me, but not to take me back.” Loki said lowly,

“Do you not think I did not wish to?” Farbauti said forcefully, turning to face him once more. “Loki, uncountable opportunities passed when I nearly just snatched you away. All those times you were ill and they could not heal you, it would have been so simple to have placed and illusion upon you and let them think you had passed. Then I could have taken you anywhere! But I couldn’t, Asgard is the safest place for you, for both of us. And here you have at least been the prince you should have been. You’ve been given the best of tutors, the best trainers. I could have given you none of these things, not while hiding from Laufey. This way was best, you were happy and safe, and I could still see you. I’ve never abandoned you Loki, I’ve always been here with you.”

Loki fought not to let her words affect him, but it was a hard battle. Instead he focused on what else she said. “What do you mean I am safe from Laufey here. Odin took the casket and with it their ability to travel to other realms.”

Farbauti shook her head. “There are still sorcerers like me and you who do not need the casket or the bifrost to travel to other realms. And Laufey has never let them stop from searching for either of us. He would see you dead now.”

“Why? Why kill a child who does not even wish to be related to him?”

“Because you are his first born Loki. I know that he has had two more sons since, but you are his first and therefore the heir to the throne. But Laufey wants Helblindi to rule, and he fears that one day you will appear and take the throne anyways.”

“As if I would desire to rule over a barren wasteland.” Loki sneered. 

“It was not always that way Loki, I wish you could have seen it before it was ruined by war.”

Loki looked down at Farbauti, his mother, and saw the sadness in her face and tried to imagine what it must be like for her. “I only saw as far as Laufey’s fortress, or what was left of it. Is it all like that now?” he asked softly.

“Not all of it, some of the smaller cities still stand. And the greater libraries and temples are safely encased in the ice until such a time that it is safe to release them.” Farbauti told him before falling silent.

They both sat, lost in thought for a time. “Were you ever going to tell me?” Loki asked, breaking the silence. “We any of you ever going to tell me?”

Despite his sudden cold tone, Farbauti only nodded. “I nearly told you when you were younger, on several occasions. I thought to wait until you were old enough to understand… but then when that time came, you were having such difficulty making friends. You weren’t fitting in with the other children, and I thought it would be cruel to tell you how different you really were. And then as you got older and were taught only terrible things of your own people… I suppose I waited because I thought that telling you would not have changed anything. It only meant that you would have had to turn your whole life into an act so that no one would know. You would have lived in fear that an Aesir would find out that you were a Jotunn and kill you for it. Finally, I decided to wait for Laufey to die. Either of old age or assassination. He is not a much loved king, and not so young anymore either. And with him gone the threat on your life would go with him.” 

Loki gave no response to her words, instead he sat rigidly next her waiting to feel the burn of anger. She had kept this terrible secret from him his whole life and he should hate her for it. And yet he didn’t. He wanted to be mad at her for not telling him, for not raising him herself. But then she practically had, hadn’t she. For as long as he could remember, Fara had been the one to hold him and care for him when he had needed it. She had taught him his magic, encouraged his studies and listened to him when no one else would have. It was impossible to be angry with her, and so in place of the fury that should have taken over his heart, he only felt tired. 

As usual, Farbauti noticed and gently urged him to stand. Then she came around to stand before him and reached up to place a hand on either side of his weary face. 

“Knowing changes nothing Loki. You are who you have always been. You have been a Jotunn since the day you were born, knowing the truth now does not suddenly turn you into a monster. You are my kind, mischievous, brilliant son, and you will be a fine king indeed.” She tilted her head in the direction of his bed chambers. “Once you have gotten a little sleep.”

She smiled softly, but Loki did not return the gesture. Now that he was close, he could study her features in new light. He could suddenly see the features that he knew from his mirror, like the shape of her brow, to the curve of her lips. So many nights sitting at the table with Odin and Frigga, staring at them and trying to figure out who he looked like, and wondering why he could never match anything…

Farbauti was staring back at him while he studied, and it took him a moment to realize that she was looking at him with a longing expression. 

“What is it?” he asked.

Farbauti blinked and took half a step back, surprised in her own actions. “Nothing, I am sorry.”

Loki followed her, unwilling to let there be any more secrets between them. “Tell me.” He said softly, not quite a command, not entirely a plea. 

Farbauti stared up at him with a strange hope in her eyes. “I only wondered… what you might have looked like when that warrior grabbed you. You have been Aesir in appearance since the day Odin took you, and I only…”

She did not finish, Loki did not need her to as her meaning was clear. He shifted on his feet, feeling torn.

“I do not know how to control it.” He admitted, “To bring forth my Jotunn skin I must be touching the casket or…”

Farbauti watched him struggle to say the words. Reather than finish them for him, she instead stepped back and closed her eyes. Loki was not sure what she was doing at first, but then from the crown of her head, blue started to seep downwards. Raised lines appeared on her brow and face and neck, as the blue disappeared beneath the fabric of her dress. When she opened her eyes again, they were Jotunn red and Loki forced himself to look at her. 

She did not look that different really. She wasn’t suddenly monstrous or ugly, she was simply Fara, only blue. Knowing this was the only thing that kept him from snatching his hand back when she reached out to gently take it. Instead when her cool fingers grasped his, he closed his eyes so that he would not have to watch it.

He knew when the transformation was complete because Farbauti let out a breath of wonder and both her hands went to hold either side of his face, her thumbs tracing over the lines that were there. When he forced his eyes open, Farbauti was looking up at him with wonder, her own eyes wet as she inspected him. 

“My son,” she breathed and Loki could not remember ever seeing her so happy. “Look at you, you are perfect.”

Loki might have argued that but then she was wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him into an almost desperate hug. His arms went around her easily, he was used to her embraces after all and it was second nature by now to hug her back. She held on for a long time though, and when they parted there were ice crystals on her cheeks. Then she changed back, and the ice melted and was briskly wiped away. 

After that there seemed to be little else to say. With an efficient show of magic, the mess he had made of the dinner was cleared from the floor and with one last hug she departed so that he could at last sleep. He shut to door to his chambers with a sigh. He never told her about his plans for Laufey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I loved your comments! Please let me know what you think of this chapter, especially about Fara's side to the story!


	3. Chapter 3

Twenty four hours later, Loki leaned back against the wall he was resting on and looked down at Farbauti. She was sleeping peacefully on the collection of furs they had salvaged. Looking around, Loki thought back on what had happened that had led them there. 

Laufey had fallen for his plot, and Loki had led his birth father to Odin's chamber only to slay him there. The rest of the Jotunn guards followed shortly after and then Loki was standing over the scattered remains of the tyrant king, feeling triumphant. After that there was a rush of events falling one after the other. Frigga had embraced him, and then Thor was there and angry. 

Apparently the idiot was mad at him for sending the Destroyer, and thus giving him a chance to win back his God-hood. The ungrateful brat. They had fought then, the battle only stopping when Odin had awoken and stepped between the two. Thor was made to stand down and Loki had willingly handed Gunganir over to Odin. It was when he passed the spear to Odin's hands that Loki noticed the newly awoken kings scrutinizing look. Loki fought to keep his face devoid of emotion so that Odin could not misread his expression. After Loki found himself in his rooms, his clothes in need of changing after the fight with Thor. Odin had told them to leave and that he would call for both his sons in an hours time. In that hour Loki stayed within his chambers, not daring to step outside his doors. All over the castle the servants and guards were buzzing with the news of Laufey's demise at the hands of the younger prince. 

Loki waited for Farbauti to appear. He wondered if she knew yet, if the news had reached the kitchens and she had been forced not to react lest she give herself away. He wondered if she was upset with him, disappointed with him… proud of him. She had spoken of Laufey at length the night before, but she had not seemed to be very fond of him anymore. In fact she had talked about waiting for the tyrant to die. Surely she wouldn't be very upset with him…

That whole hour he waited, but she did not come. When he could delay no longer, Loki walked towards Odin's hall, a horrible weight had settled in the pit of his stomach. Perhaps she could not leave the kitchens without arising suspicion. He had never seen the witch light during the day, would it even work? Did she even know? He pushed those thoughts aside when he reached the doors to the hall. He could not dwell on such thoughts at the moment. Drawing himself up, Loki strode through the doors to the hall beyond. 

Inside, he was greater with a disturbing scene. Clearly he had been left out of some discussion because everyone else was already there. Everyone being the King and Queen, Thor and his warrior friends. The former were giving him varying looks of displeasure and cruel mirth. Sif certainly looked like she was going to enjoy whatever was about to happen. Loki fought hard not to let it show how off balance he felt as he walked to the front of the dias before the King and kneeled. Frigga was to one side of Odin, Thor was on the other, facing Loki with a constipated look upon his face. 

"Loki," Odin spoke, his voice echoing throughout the hall. He did not add Odin-son Loki noticed. No one else seemed to so he raised his eyes to the man he'd spent his life thinking as his father. Odin's face was as unreadable as usual, giving Loki no clue as to what was about to happen. "Loki, it has been brought to my attention your hostile actions while King. I have also learned of your traitorous movements before Thor's coronation. Before we continue, do you have anything to say in your defence?"

So thats what this was all about. No wonder Sif looked so gleeful. They all thought that Loki was about to get what they all thought he deserved. Well then, let us begin, he thought to himself. Standing up from his kneel, Loki put on a gaming smile. "I have nothing to say."

Thor's fury was practically a physical presence in the room. "You will not even deny it?" he raged.

Loki calmly turned his eyes towards Thor and tilted his head. "Will I deny the fact that I allowed three Frost Giants in to Asgard through secret pass-ways with the intent of having them killed by our defences and thereby interrupting your coronation? No, I will not. Why should I?"

"It is treason!" Thor shouted and Loki smirked and shook his head.

"And what else would you have had me do?" He asked, turning his attention back to the Allfather. "I could not simply tell you that Thor was not yet ready to be king. That he was too foolish and too eager to start a war. If I had, you would have simply brushed my words aside and assumed it was envy. No, I had to show you. And you can not deny that I was wrong."

"It is not a matter of proving a point Loki. You betrayed Asgard by allowing our enemies into the vault. You goaded your brother into venturing into Jotunheim and in doing so the war that was started that day is in part in your blame as well." Odin argued.

"That I will deny," Loki snapped. "I refuse to take any accountability for Thor's massive stupidity. I told him not to go, and when I could not stop him I sent a servant to get you. Even then, Laufey was prepared to let us walk away and Thor attacked over a simple jibe. I will admit to letting frost giants in to Asgard, but I refuse to be attributed to starting a war. A war that I stopped myself without the loss of a single Aesir might I remind you."

Thor's face was flushed, but he could not deny Loki's words were true. Odin frowned. "Your slaying of Laufey is another matter Loki. You claim that you acted only to show me how unprepared Thor was for the crown, but your behaviour and actions proved that you were no more capable. In your short rule you sent the destroyer to Midgard where a small settlement was nearly eradicated. You attacked your friends and killed your brother. You attacked Heimdell so that you could bring Laufey to Asgard to kill me and then through trickery and deceit you killed him. These are not the actions of a king Loki, and you must see justice for them."

Loki did not even bother to hide his scowl. "So this is a trial then? May I inquire as to when they will be tried?" He gestured to Sif and the warriors three who looked shocked at his words. "And Heimdell of course."

"Do not try and blame your actions on other brother!" Thor growled.

"Heimdell attacked me." Loki stated, ignoring Thor completely. "I ordered him to not allow any travel throughout the bifrost, he ignored my order an allowed Thor's friends to travel to Midgard so that they may retrieve Thor despite the fact that you had banished him and despite me telling them that they could not. Is that not treason? Disobeying a direct order from two kings?" Loki did not pause to allow an answer, he pushed on. If he was going to be punished for his actions than he damn well was taking the rest of them with him if he could. "I confronted Heimdell, and as he would not follow my orders I removed him from his position. He then attacked me and I disabled him so that he might stand trial later and so that he could not interfere with my plans for Laufey."

"Your plans to lure Laufey into Asgard and away from his armies so that you could attack him once his back was turned." Odin finished, his face still stone like and unforgiving. 

"I killed your enemy and ended the war that Thor had started. A war that would have killed thousand of Aesir and Jotunn's alike. I stopped that."

"Through trickery and lies!" Odin all but bellowed, his calm facade breaking at last. "You did not defeat Laufey in honourable battle, you attacked from behind, a cowards attack. This is not how a King of Asgard win's a war. This is not the way of Asgard!"

Loki went very still. "Well then," he said quietly, though all could hear him in the large hall. "I suppose thats appropriate considering that I'm not of Asgard."

By the movements of Thor and his friends, he knew that they had no idea what he was talking about. Frigga froze at his words, and Odin narrowed his one eye. 

"Isn't this what you had in mind when you took me Allfather?" Loki asked, venom filling his voice as he let his anger get the better of him. He stood with his back straight and stared down Odin.

"Loki, what is this madness you speak of?" came Thor's brash voice.

"Just something I've recently discovered," Loki replied, his eyes never leaving Odin's. "Your father was kind enough to explain to me why when I was grabbed on Jotunheim by a frost giant, my arm turned blue rather than burn with frostbite. It would turn out that I am not your brother at all, or even an Aesir. After the final battle Odin took me from the temple along with the casket and disguised me as his son." Thor was making sounds of disbelief, and the warriors three were no better but Loki only had eyes for the king when he deliberately spoke his next words. "Of course during this tale of rescuing an abandoned infant he tactfully omitted the part where he had to cut down my mother to get to me, so I find myself doubting certain parts of his story." 

The hand that was not holding Gungnir jerked, the only sign that Odin was drastically startled by this. "Who has told you this?" he demanded, no doubt already knowing the answer. There had ever only been three witnesses to that day, and Loki would have been to young to remember. 

"My mother told me," Loki confirmed, ignoring the soft noise that Frigga made. "And considering your history of telling me half truths I find myself rather inclined to believe her."

"Loki-" Odin began but Loki cut him off.

"But what she did not now, and truthfully I can not understand, is why you took me. Spare me your false stories of sentiment and rescue of an unwanted babe, and tell me your true intentions. You told me yourself that you had planned to use me to create peace, and you can not expect me to believe that you thought to use an abandoned child for a political gain. If I was unwanted no one would have cared if you had me or not. But you did know who I was, what I was. Laufey's first born son and therefore the heir. Was it your hope to raise me in Asgard and when Laufey died to put me on the throne as a puppet king? Because I can think of no other reason-"

"ENOUGH!" Odin bellowed, cutting off Loki's rant and silencing the rest who where trying to understand what was going on. Loki nearly took a step beck from the glare the king was levelling at him, but he refused to be cowed. Not anymore. Even when Odin took a step forward, raising his spear in hand Loki did not move. 

"Loki, your words only betray how far your paranoia has grown. You have attacked your brother, brought harm to those you should have protected as king. And you seek to blame them for your actions." Loki kept his mouth shut, though his anger spiked at those words. Instead his eyes followed the tip of Odin's spear as it was angled down to point at him. "You have allowed yourself to be swayed by our enemy and can no longer be trusted. It is because of this that I am forced to punish you so." 

Several things happened in the span of a few seconds. Loki caught Sif's triumphant grin, Thor's befuddlement and Frigga's inaction. Gungnir bucked back in Odin's grip as a burst of magic was fired from it. Loki himself tried to step to the side, knowing already that he would not be able to move in time. A shadow formed directly in front of him, and became solid just in time for the blast to hit it dead on. Farbauti flew backwards from the force of the blast directly into Loki’s chest sending them both to the floor. 

There was stillness in the hall for one long moment as everyone present tried to process what had just happened, and then Loki was sitting up and scrambling to Farbauti’s side. At first Loki thought her dead, she was so still… but then she groaned and her face twisted as though in pain. And then, alarmingly, her pale face faded to blue. Loki paid no mind to the sounds of surprise and anger that suddenly filled the room, or the heavy thump of boots as guards spilled in. He didn’t care that his hands were touching her bare arms, and that blue was creeping its way up his neck. His mother opened her eyes and looked at him as if confused. There didn’t seem to be any more pain though as he checked for a wound. 

The guards were moving in, Thor was shouting and things were about to come to a head, which is right about the time Loki usually made himself scarce. So, he pulled him mother into his arms and stood up, glaring at the Allfather with ruby eyes as he did so. Before the guards could grab him though, before Odin could strike again or Thor could reach him, Loki pulled the shadows of the room towards him and in a few whispered syllables he disappeared from Asgard.

He re-apeared in the opening of a cave, away from the wind and snow blowing outside. As soon as they were solid again, Farbauti was put back on her feet, though Loki stayed close by just in case. 

“What did he do to you?” He asked urgently.

Farbauti frowned, her hand going to her temple as she tried to form a response. “My magic,” she said finally. “He took my magic.” 

Loki frowned as she slowly got her bearings. “Why did you do that?”  
He asked when she seemed to be more herself. 

“What?”

“Why did you throw yourself in front of me if you did not even know what spell he had cast?”

Farbauti looked at him like he had said something remarkably dim-witted. “I thought he meant to kill you.” She explained as though it were obvious. 

Loki stared at her, gobsmacked. “And you still…”

His mother’s face softened at his shock, and Farbauti brought a hand up to stroke his face once before looping her arms around his neck and pulling him into an embrace. Loki returned it, holding her close. Farbauti seemed content there, and Loki couldn't help but blurt out, “I killed Laufey,”

He didn’t know if she knew yet, and it seemed important that he tell her. She had just been willing to die for him, he should return the courtesy by telling her of her murdered husband. He waited for her to tense in his arms, to push him away, to be angry with him. He did not expect her to let out a laugh. 

“Yes, you did.” Was her amused reply, as though he had told her that he had finished all of his supper. 

Loki pulled away to watch her warily. “Why do you laugh?”

His mother did not even bother to hide her mirth. “I suppose it is funny, in a macabre sense. So many have tried to kill Laufey. Usurpers, traitors, and kin. Odin tried to send spies in to kill off his enemy; even I have tried to find a way. None could manage it though. And then along comes my Loki, who decides in a day that the best way to end the war would be to get rid of the ruler, and then within hours Laufey is dead.” Farbauti’s grin was wide and honest, and Loki could not find a single bar in her words. “I suppose, even though I love you and I know how smart and clever you are, sometimes I forget how very brilliant you can be. And then you do what everyone else had deemed impossible and I remember all over again.”

Feeling vastly relieved, Loki tentatively returned her smile. “You are not angry then?” 

Farbauti’s answer was to hug him again. “No my darling. I am not mad at all. I told you before, I lost the man I loved to war. There was nothing left in Laufey for me to mourn.”

When they parted, his mother glanced at the opening of the cave. “You brought us to Jotunheim.” She stated, though he heard the underlying question. 

“It seemed the best option. Odin can not follow us here without passing through Laufey’s fortress.

“Are we to stay in this cave then?”

“I had not thought that far ahead. Please remember that I was rather worried about your continued health when I brought us here.” He paused before quietly stating, “You did mention that when Laufey died, I would be next in line to the throne.”

Farbauti turned to look at him, all traces of humour gone. “Is that what you want Loki?”

Loki remembered Odin telling him that he and Thor were both born to be kings. He had never particularly wanted the throne though. It was hard to imagine yourself the ruler of a people that barely tolerated you at the best of times. “I do not know what I want.” He whispered honestly.

“That is alright Loki. We have time. The people of Jotunheim do not even know their King is dead yet. You do not have to decide anything yet.” She reached forward and took his hand. “Come with me, there is something I have always wanted to show you.”

Loki willingly followed her out into the snow. At first it seemed to be blinding, but then his red eyes became used to it, and he could see though the billowing snow towards the mountains and landscape beyond. He felt a little like a child, being led by the hand by his mother, but the contact was needed to keep him Jotunn so that he would not freeze to death. They traveled on foot for a length of time, and Farbauti filled the silence with stories of the places and ruins they passed by. When they reached the side of a strange looking mountain, she led him into a crevice in the side. When they were so far in that Loki had to hold a small flame in his hand to light their way Farbauti began examining the walls. Whatever she was looking for she found, because she drew with her fingers several unfamiliar runes and the ice of the wall melted away to reveal a hall. Hesitantly Loki followed when she tugged him in. The air inside was cold but stale, as though no one had opened that door in a very long time. The walked towards what must have been the centre of the mountain itself when the walls became less ragged and more smooth. And then suddenly the hallway ended, and opened up into an enormous cavern. Light reflected through the ice above somehow so that he could see what was before him. It wasn’t a mountain at all but an enormous building of some sort. Pillars stretched up all the way to the ceiling miles above, supporting the many floors and stairs that he could see. On the farthest wall, light had somehow made its way through the ice that encased the building, and lit the window. It was as beautiful as it was enormous. It reminded Loki of a stained glass window, only the pattern was of a snowflake. It was the main source of light, and once Loki’s eyes adjusted, he saw the true beauty and the purpose of the building. 

Books. More books than he could ever hope to read. The building was a library he realized, and it was as big as a mountain! Farbauti smiled at his obvious wonderment, and began to show him around. They were alone she assured him. There were only a handful of Jotunn who would know how to open the seal for the door, and half of them were dead now. So they explored freely as she told him of how there were four more libraries the same size on Jotunheim. They found some old furs that were somehow preserved and made a temporary campsite when they grew tired. They stacked books around them, flipping through for spells and history. Some of the books spoke of the old magic, magic that Odin would have learned from so Loki searched for a spell that would return his mothers magic to her. 

They read until the light went away and Loki became to tired to maintain the small flames he had conjured. Then they lounged in the dark on their furs and spoke on deep subjects. Things like wether or not Loki planned to ever return to Asgard. “We have time,” Farbauti told him when he said that he did not seem himself going back. 

Loki did not have a response to that, and his mother understood. “All that has ever mattered to me most was that you were happy.” She told him with a hand on his arm. “Whatever you decide to do, do it because you wish to do it. Asgard has no need for you, and Jotunheim will always get by. What is most important is that you will be happy.”

Hours later, Loki could still not sleep despite his exhaustion. Farbauti slept on the furs beside him and he thought over her words. Truthfully, he felt that it would be a while before he began to miss Asgard. The events of the last couple days had poisoned any good memories he had. At least that is how he felt at the moment. He was smart enough to know that those feeling may blunt in time, but for the moment his heart hurt to think on it. 

Jotunheim was another matter. Two days ago if someone had offered to make him king of the frost giants, he would have sneered and made a cutting remark about brutes and savage monsters. But now, after hearing the history of Jotunheim from his mother, from spending a day entrenched in its history, he found himself hesitating on the thought. 

Being King of Asgard was never and will never be his goal. Why bother wanting to rule over a people who didn’t like him and he didn’t like in return. Equally unappealing was the idea of being King of a frozen wasteland, his subjects made up of monsters and beasts. But to be the King that saved Jotunheim, the King that brought back the libraries, the culture and life. To go down in history as one who took a broken realm and returned it to its bright and former glory, well… he guessed that’s worth a look.

**Author's Note:**

> The original Norsekink prompt is as follows:
> 
> Can I get a fic about Loki's mum not being dead. Instead she is also a shape-changer and snuck into Asgard and got a job as a servant (maybe a cook?) in the palace so that she could keep an eye on him. So Loki has grown up having someone who leaves sweet treats in his room on his birthdays and who cuddles him when he is a small boy who doesn't want his family to know he's crying ('cause Thor doesn't!' 'Oh yes he does, he's got a special cupboard that he hides in.' 'Really?'). Someone who gives great advice and has the word 'Mum' written all over her, despite not having any known children. 
> 
> It can be angsty, cracky or anything in between.
> 
> Bonus: Loki's mum telling Odin off for that whole 'no Loki.' crap.   
> 'You tell the fragile child that you understand and love them. Then you make with the punishment AFTER they are safely back on stable ground. Idiot.'


End file.
